One of the unpleasant things I've learned about myself in the last two weeks is just how large my ego is. I promised myself that I would leave my pride outside when I went into Crossfit, but it's difficult to do when doing so simultaneously shatters the illusions about myself. Like many, I generally believe myself capable of handling any contingency that comes my way. And, like many, I'm wrong. Were I to find myself hanging from a tree branch or a roof, I would be unable to hold my own weight. I would fall and suffer whatever fate awaited me. Why? Because I am not strong enough to hold up my own weight.
Then, there is the pushup. I am barely capable of doing ten "modified" pushups. A modified pushup is what I, in less enlightened times, called a "girl pushup"; knees on the floor, body straight, hands shoulder width apart. I hate that I have to do these, but I accept that they must be done. Rather than wallow in my shame, I embrace it. I accept myself as I am, and I look forward to what I will be.
I have the power to change.
You are on to a great start by dealing with "Your Pride and Your Ego."
ReplyDeleteI believe your mind is set on your new goal.
Go for it.
Great post.
ReplyDeleteAwesome post Ed! I remember having to swallow my pride my first few weeks at CrossFit. It was tough but it makes the little accomplishments worth so much more! I'm looking forward to following your blog.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first started, I knew I liked crossfit, but it was damn hard. Would I really want to subject myself to this all the time?
ReplyDeleteAbout a month in, I left town for Christmas vacation, giving me plenty of time to not do crossfit. I got used to not doing crazy workouts again and wasn't sure if I'd come back to BHFC. It was really hard.
Luckily I went back, and crossed a boundary somewhere after the 2 month range. I would still be nervous before doing a WOD, but it was starting to be fun.
When I talk to crossfitters I like finding out what they used to do. You find out they used to run or swim. I myself was a rock climber. Crossfit can become all encompassing. I still call myself a rock climber, but at this point I'm more of a crossfitter.
Today there's no way I could not do crossfit. No way could I go back. Now when I see a WOD I have a kind of interesting fascination. Oh hmm, that looks fun, what's that going to feel like?
Had I not gone back after that first month I would have missed out on a lot. Crossfit has given me a lot in my life. I'm really happy that I stuck with it.
p.s. I started with 'girl' pushups too.
ReplyDeleteGreat Post, I too have felt the same way and wish my body would cooperate with my my mind thinks I can do. I've often been intimidated and frustrated by the prescribed workouts because I'm still a ways off from where I need to be to get there. But I try to be patient knowing that even in the few months that I have started I am seeing constant improvement. You mention in a previous post about CrossFit being a support group and I couldn't agree more. If it weren't for the people I have met and trained with I wouldn't have made it a month. I'm excited to follow your progress and hopefully get a chance to do a couple WOD's with you as well.
ReplyDelete~Nate
Ed,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate seeing this. It gives me some hope that I can accomplish much the same feat. I just did my first introductory session today with Crossfit and there is a great deal that I will not be able to do without serious modification. I am 48 and 275 pounds. Like you, I have to do this without ego and with resolve. I am setting a simple goal first: just to make three sessions a week until the end of the year. I hope to meet you at the gym!
Vargo
Wow! Your story is very inspiring. You have made a great decision to honor your body and love yourself. Your actions now will change your life forever.
ReplyDeleteAs a fellow X-fitter, I still modify all the workouts and envy those who don't need to. But there is great satisfaction when you gradually make changes due to increased strength, such as completing a true burpee or an actual box jump versus a step-up. And believe it or not, there comes a day when you can walk down the stairs pain-free. Well, almost pain-free.
I love this X-fit journey and look forward to the day you and I can Rx a WOD. Baby steps. We'll get there!
My husband and I have enjoyed your posts!! As fellow BH Crossfitters, please know we have all been where you are! Heck, I still struggle with full on, chest to floor pushups and I have been going for almost a year! Something to keep in mind, these workouts (WODS) are created to push the limits of some of the fittest people on earth! We both still remember the day we completed our first WOD that deserved an Rx. Each day is different, there are days it is an accomplishment just to show up AND finish. By just showing up, you are doing better than most people!! Remember that no matter how run down you are, just show up....everything will follow from there.
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